he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
