Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
