I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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