Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
