I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize