do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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