my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
