Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
