he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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