Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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