everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
