So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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