Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
