It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
