Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
