Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was like eating out sand paper
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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