We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
