Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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