On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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