nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
