I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
