Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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