my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
