I'm eating all of the evidence.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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