Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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