do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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