I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
