Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
