Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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