My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
