you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
