So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need a burrito and a hug.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
