the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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