the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We are two peas in an std pod
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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