You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
