If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
