a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
