When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
