My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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