just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
