He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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