plz talk dirty to me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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