so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't tell me you're on acid again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
