I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
