just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
