i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
