also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
