Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
