Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
