I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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