He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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