hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
