I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
