My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
