I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize