One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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