Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
