Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
