i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
