Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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