yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
people are starting to question the shark bite story
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
