Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize