Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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