After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
