Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
