You're my little dorito
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
