I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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