if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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