before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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