I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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