When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
