things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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