Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
