On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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