I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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