so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
