Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
