where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
