white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
