Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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