you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
